Mixed Reviews: Are You There, God?

This pandemic has disrupted my plans to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day and actively promote and distribute my literature. It’s also curtailed my plans to celebrate with a book launch party. Because I have a compromised immune system that puts me in the high risk category, I’m going into isolation mode to increase the chances that I won’t be exposed to COVID-19.

During my time of personal lockdown, I could be focusing on cranking out the sequel to When Life Was Still, but I’ve decided to lift some spirits instead. I typically drink hard cider and often wonder, when I go out, what certain cocktails on the menu are like. So during my time of isolation, I’m going to celebrate the publication of my books with a literary-themed cocktail each day and share my review of it.

Some of the drinks will come from a recipe book I was given for Christmas: Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margarita? by Tim Federle. Most likely, the literary drinks will be partially invented by me with the ingredients I have on hand in my liquor cabinet and pantry because, during my recent shopping trips, I’ve been focused on locating toilet paper and hand sanitizer instead of cocktail ingredients. I have pretty much no knowledge about what should go into drinks . . . so this sojourn through literary cocktails could get interesting. Feel free to join me on this epic drinking journey.


Are You There, God

This is my first literary cocktail. It started out as Tim Federle’s Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margarita. It turned into Are You There, God? It’s Us, Ellen, Greta, and Amy—because there’s some weird stuff in the drink, just like there’s weird stuff in my trilogy.

These are the ingredients:

  • 2 ounces Hornitos Plata tequila with a really fun cap that’s a cork—who knew? I’ll probably be making excuses to drink that tequila more often just to play with the cork cap
  • ¼ ounce margarita cocktail mix from the 8-pack of craft cocktail mixers I bought in Target’s stocking stuffer aisle last December—because I don’t have the recommended lime juice, and the one lime I have is rock hard and I couldn’t cut it to get juice out of it
  • 0 ounces of honey even though a quarter ounce is recommended—because I don’t like honey
  • ½ ounce brewed Richmond Blend tea, cooled—because I didn’t have the recommended hibiscus tea
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1 sprig of a fresh green thing that was in my salad mix bag—because I don’t have the recommended sprig of fresh lavender
  • 2 drops of green food coloring—because it’s St. Patrick’s Day

I mixed my cocktail in my husband’s malt cup because I don’t have a shaker and poured it into a margarita glass instead of into the recommended rocks glass—because I’ve always wanted to drink out of a margarita glass dipped in salt (and I’ve been craving salt).

My review of Are You There, God? It’s Us, Ellen, Greta, and Amy:

one star rating

One out of five stars. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever tasted. My face is still turned inside out as I type this review because it tasted like Band-Aids soaked in Bengay. Technically, it’s so awful it isn’t deserving of any stars, but I let it keep a star because it’s a festive green color, and the title is appropriate. It caused me to say, “Oh my God, help me not hurl.” And drinking it was as painful as the experiences Ellen, Greta, and Amy had to endure in my trilogy.



© 2020 by Julie Ryan. All rights reserved
No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of Julie Ryan


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