Globe Trotting

When I was a child I loved to give my globe a spin, shut my eyes, and drop my finger on the world.  Wherever my finger landed “decided” where I was going to live someday. I would create elaborate stories about how I would get there and what I would be doing once I arrived in that region. I would often land somewhere in the vast Pacific Ocean. The thought of living on water terrified me. Although I was capable of developing a story around why I would someday be living in the Pacific, I decided instead to make it the equivalent of a free spin.

I actually ended up with my finger on Minnesota once, so I turned Minnesota into a free spin, too. I had always lived in Minnesota and the thought of staying in the state forever was as terrifying to me as the Pacific Ocean . . . yet, here I am. I’ve lived in Minnesota for forty-eight years now. Minnesota is a wonderful state, but when I was young I always thought that I would actually end up going places and doing something with my life.

The something I ended up doing, for the most part, was choosing to be a stay-at-home mom for the first five years of my children’s lives. Being hit with a chronic immune disease turned my five year commitment into something that now looks more like a 23+ year commitment – and counting. My kids have both graduated from college, and I’ve dabbled in various jobs, but being a stay-at-home mom is still the most substantial thing I have to show for my time as an adult.  I enjoyed investing the energy I had in my children and I would gladly continue to be their stay-at-home mom if they would let me. They won’t let me. So, I feel like I should create a life for myself.

I find myself daydreaming constantly about where I will end up. I am physically limited in terms of what I could commit to for a career. Lack of experience and age discrimination hasn’t helped my cause. I have experience making up stories, so becoming a published novelist could result in going on a world-wide book tour . . . For fun yesterday, I gave my globe a spin, shut my eyes, and put my finger down to see where my book tour would start. I ended up in the Atlantic Ocean. I think I’ll make that a free spin, too.

I wish I could still drop my finger on the world and believe that I could end up in that place.

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© 2016 by Julie Ryan. All rights reserved
No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of Julie Ryan.

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